Thursday, December 6, 2007

I'm Pregnant

I just found out 2 days ago that I am 5 weeks pregnant with my 5th child. We must have conceived the day I first discovered his affair from last year. Of course, I had no idea he was still having a completely separate affair with a different woman. Otherwise, I never would have had sex with him that night.

When I first found out I was pregnant, my first thought was "How can we have a baby when I still don't trust him?" But, I believe that things happen for a reason. And as my best friend put it, God doesn't make mistakes. I believe that we can work this out and make our marriage stronger. I believe this child is meant to be a reminder of this hell we are going through, but also is a gift from God symbolizing the strength of our love and the importance of family. The baby is due on my birthday, so it will be a special birthday present. Hopefully this one will be a girl. If so, how fitting would that be? I have always told Gene that there was something in his DNA that prevented him from making girls because he is a dog and he would have to stop being a dog if he had a daughter.

I asked Gene what he thought about having another baby, and then I stopped him. I said to him "If you can have conversations with another woman about her wanting to have your baby and you did not tell her it was out of the question, then you have no right to be upset that I am having your baby." He agreed. We have even joked about how he has never been able to get any other women pregnant, but he has no problem getting me pregnant. It almost seems like his sperm is only compatible with me.

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